Kiley's Blog

To Dance

kileyw — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 05:49:56 +0000

with every turn her eyes light up

her face brightens with every swift movement

a genuine glow in desperate shallows

a canvas of life, she is

awaken the silence

pour over the empty

selflessly climb to save

ardent beauty

oblivious, they turn their eyes

blocking all she’s tried

they run, fighting all they can

afraid to want more than empty

throw your cloak over her brilliance

tear her down in your despair

lifeless motions into empty waters

the musk settles harsh over stained canvas

she sits in isolation

numbed by what she’s forced to become

you have taken away all that she was

nothing is left for you

eyes of the ocean, she is uplifted

carried into the dawn

there is strength in weakness

though chained, she will rise above

Simpson: How to Shine

kileyw — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 06:40:15 +0000

I want to go to Simpson University more than anything. I had even before I saw the campus. And it just so happened that while at Echo my counselor, Ashley, said that she is a senior there. I stayed in her dorm with her this last Thursday to Sunday.

This weekend came with an unforeseen amount of love and it was the most incredible and eye-opening experience I’ve ever encountered. I know I say that quite often, but that doesn’t make it any less true. In fact it just proves that whenever I think that life couldn’t get any better, God decides I need to be slapped in the face with an even more pulchritudinous experience. It makes me never want to be stuck with going through the motions of life ever again; to never miss such experiences.

This was one such experience and more than just an “experience”. There aren’t words for how much the entirety of this time at Simpson means to me and it had almost nothing to do with Simpson itself. So I will start with this: God showed up. There was a lot of paint, Lady GaGa and Mexican food involved. Oh, and the Dugongs… But there were things that I never expected, not like I expected any of the previously listed things either, but what are you going to do? I am empty when it comes to expectations, apparently, and that just seems to have enhanced most of my experiences in life. I suppose you could say that this trip was a huge reminder of how much I love Ashley and a realization of two things: that love can conquer everything and that I’m not nothing or useless, that my love means something.

I must admit, I had forgotten how excited Ashley gets about things, which I don’t know how that happened because it’s probably the first thing one would recognize in her. I love that about her, because all too often I find myself falling short of being enthusiastic about things that are worthy of enthusiasm and excitement, and even those things that aren’t so worthy. Even God gets excited; who am I to suppress that part of me? I’m still working on it, but I do know that there’s so much more than I realize to be excited about.

One thing I didn’t forget, I couldn’t possibly forget, is her heart, her love. I’ve never met someone with such a huge heart. I’ve never loved some one as much as I love her and I definitely have never felt so loved by another person before. &I’ve never been so confident in love before– it’s such a beautiful and glorious thing. With all the millions of words in the English language (or any other language, for that matter), I will never be able to find the words to express how much Ashley means to me.

I had started making a book for Ashley in mid October of random art things– lyrics, letters, prayers, poetry and paint. I worked really hard on that thing, so much of me went into it. And I have never been more proud of anything that I’ve done. When I finally gave it to Ashley, obviously she was excited (when is she not excited? oh, right. Waffles. ;D ) but everyone who walked into her dorm from that moment on, she showed it to. They all seemed to think it was amazing. Not so much that everyone who saw the book seemed to really like it, but simply that she showed it to every single person who entered that room. It meant the world to me.

There’s nothing greater than love. I feel like this last weekend, I have experienced the epitome of love. &I never want to go back, and I don’t believe that I have to. Sure coming back to normality is hard. Isn’t it always? But I cling to hope. Hope that God has more to show me through all of this that happened at Simpson, through Ashley, through love. &that is something I cannot give up, I cannot let go of. I won’t. If everything else fails me, I stand firm in the love I am inundated by and the hope that love never fails.

“Love is not proud. Love does not boast.

Love after all, matters the most.

Love does not run. Love does not hide

Love does not keep locked inside.

Love is a river that flows through.

&Love never fails you.

Love will sustain. Love will provide.

Love will not cease at the end of time.

Love will protect. Love always hopes.

&Love still believes when you don’t.

Love is the arms that are holding you.

Love never fails you.

When my heart won’t make a sound.

When I can’t turn back around.

When the sky is falling down.

Nothing is greater than this, greater than this.

Cause love is right here. Love is alive.

Love is the way, the truth, the life.

Love is a river that flows through.

Love is the arms that are holding you.

Love is a place you will fly to.

Love never fails you.“

Life, the Universe and Everything

kileyw — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:51:44 +0000

My summer was amazing. I thought last summer was the best. This summer beat last summer up. The best part of my summer was a camp called Echo. It’s a service camp that focuses on growing closer to God through community and service [obviously]. I went last summer at Mount Hermon, which is in the Sierra Mountains. However, the sessions of Echo there were canceled this year, so I ended up going to Kidder Creek for Echo, with my friend, Mary. I wasn’t looking forward to camp, hardly at all. That all changed on the first day and it’s a good thing, too because it would have been terrible if it hadn’t.

While I was there, I met some of the most influential and amazing people of my life. That sounds so cliché, I know. But it couldn’t possibly be closer to the truth. The group I was with last year…I didn’t bond with any of them until the last few days of the second week. This camp is two weeks long. If that doesn’t tell you something about the group, I don’t know how to explain it. We just didn’t click. But this time, by the first day I was in love with every person around me. I was excited to see what God would do in their lives and through them.

My Family- Echo

The first day, we were eating breakfast or lunch, I’m not sure…the director of Echo came up to me and started asking me questions and such. If you know me, you know that I don’t like to force myself on others and that I just like to sit and watch people interact. I actually love doing that. But I’m rather quiet and reserved when I’m in a situation with a lot of people, if 20 counts as “a lot”. Because I do that, I suppose it intimidates people and they don’t really take the time to get to know me. But Jenn [the Echo director] did and she was genuinely interested in me and what I had to say. “I like you, Kiley. I can tell were going to get along.” As cheesy as it sounds, it meant something to me, quite a lot, in fact.. And, of course, the liking was mutual, but it was just amazing that she picked me out of the twenty other people.

All the girls, Jenn is on the far left. White shirt, scarf.

Another person who really stood out to me was my counselor, Ashley. From the start it was obvious how incredible she is. I’m not sure what it was, but something about her told me that she was really special. And that’s beyond true. It was evident how big her heart is, even through the little things, facial expression, I don’t know. How much she cared about people was just really apparent and her heart is so huge. While I was admiring her love of people, she seemed to see the same things in me that I was seeing in her. I found this odd because I obviously know my own faults and I judge myself harshly, so I wasn’t easily moved by this. But her pointing that out opened my eyes to see how similar we were in a lot of ways. Anyway, I see something beautiful and amazing in that girl, and I am so excited to see her again, but mostly to see what God is going to do in her life. Ahh, I just love it.

“]”]

Ashley :

So here I am now a month or so later…I’m not going to pretend like it’s easy to be here. I’ve struggled with being home, staying in the routine of spending my time with God. It’s been good, though. I feel like I’m equipped to start again and I have, for the most part. The hardest thing is to not be distracted by the things in this world. So many times I’ve found myself doing so many other things that I’d rather not be doing over spending time with God. But it’s the laziness of mankind that factors into my life at some of the worst times. I get caught up in media related things and I just don’t want to get off of the computer or turn off the television. I am stubborn and I hate that piece of me. However, there are many more things that have kept me from being so attached. My addiction to this world’s addiction is fading slowly but surely, with less and less to hold to within each season of my life.

Writing has always been a big part of me. Whatever I think, say, dream, do…it’s in my journal, for the most part. It’s a way of expressing myself where I don’t need to care how I put things or what I say because I’m the only one who’s ever going to read it and that’s okay. I’ve been adding a lot of different artsy components to my journal, lately. It adds to the interest of what I have to say. But I was looking back at things I had written and I truly believe that I am worth getting to know.

Prayer is more evident in my life now. It never used to be, at least not in the way it is now. God is my best friend, I can talk to Him about anything. Whereas, before I felt obligated to have this big, long list of things that I was thankful for, things that other people needed prayer for and finally things in my life I needed help with and needed to work on. That’s not how prayer should work. Yes, those should be in there, but it most certainly isn’t to be a reoccurring chore that needs to be accomplished each day. One of my friends and I have recently started praying together and it’s been really rewarding to be able to go to each other and say “hey, this is what’s going on in my life, I need help getting through it, or sticking with it” or “I’ve really seen God work in my life this way”. You get the idea. To be able to come to each other with our lives and to lay them down together at the Lord’s feet is nothing short of a true blessing.

I’ve already said something about how people have impacted my life and are still, but just to reiterate that I must say that to have someone to talk to can be all you need sometimes. I’ve, in a way, restored a relationship this year, simply by switching schools. And I’ve built up new relationships not only with the people from Echo [which, by the way, I have most successfully continued to build those relationships], but with people at school.Life is simply better when it includes people.

Worship is something I still struggle with, in a way. I have a hard time sitting down long enough to admire all that God has done in my life and in others lives nearly enough. However, I do do it much more than ever previously. My window has helped me with that. Whenever I look out it, it screams to me how much God has amazed me and how much more He has waiting for me. It is a constant reminder of His faithfulness and love.

I don’t rely on God nearly enough. There are things that I share with others first, frustrations, angers, hurts, joys, excitements, etc. I should be bringing these to the Lord, foremost, because He is the only One who can take them and use them. Telling other people about them is rather pointless, aside from getting things off your chest or to reveal what’s going on in your life. But, realistically, God is the only One who can fix what’s broken or truly comprehend what’s incredible. Maybe that’s why He’s God.

I leave you all with this:

Psalm 73:25

“Whom have I in heaven but You and the earth has nothing I desire besides You.”

I recommend reading all of Psalm 73. It is quite influential.

The Project and Guatemala

kileyw — Thu, 07 May 2009 01:19:33 +0000

My best friend, Lauren, and I have been working on a album of ourselves singing covers songs we love. So far all we’ve done is a song from Music and Lyrics called “Way Back Into Love”. Then we’re planning on doing “All My Loving” by The Beatles. This project has been interesting because, while both Lauren and I are in the same choir together, neither one of us have really great voices. Some might argue that they’re pretty bad, depending on the song, of course, but even so…our voices aren’t the best. But, with that being said, I honestly think we did pretty well. It’s been rather nerve racking, though, because my grandparents are the ones with the recording equipment. We, Lauren and I, don’t actually think that this thing will go anywhere, obviously, but it’s fun to fool around with. And who knows, some crazy person might one day pick up our CD and think that it’s pretty good. But that’s probably only because of all the meds they have to take for being crazy in the first place.

Some progress on my trip to Guatemala City, Guatemala: last night, my friend, Pamela, and I went shopping for some things that I needed. I spent a little less than $60 altogether and I still have $271.03 left. I still need a few things, though, but I still have a ton of money left over. This amount [$271.03] includes $200 taken out for spending money while I’m in Guatemala. I think what I’m going to do with my left over money is give it to my friend who wants to go to camp this summer but doesn’t have enough money to pay for the whole thing. But I must be inconspicuous about it because, after all, God said not to let your right hand know what your left is doing. I’m thinking I’ll give it to my youth pastor and he can tell her “someone” gave it to him. I’m brilliant. If my mother allows me to do this, I shall.

I have only seven weeks until we leave for Guatemala. Time seems toe be flying by now, but it’s almost as if it’s not going fast enough. I want summer to come, but I don’t at the same time, because I’ll have three weeks where I won’t be doing anything. It’s this bittersweet type thing.On the bright side, though, I’ll have plenty of time to email the people going on the trip with me. And I can spiritually prepare myself for the trip, and I need to physically prepare myself, too. It’s going to be hot and I’m going to need plenty of muscle and energy for the type of work we’ll be doing there. This is going to be a lot harder than that one week in Mexico.

My Thoughts

kileyw — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 23:17:12 +0000

I recently saw the movie Music and Lyrics. If you haven’t seen it, you definitely should. I’ve decided that it’s my official favorite movie. It has great music, too. Anyway, seeing that movie made me go off on a Drew Barrymore thing. So now I really want to see her in practically everything she’s in.

Then there’s my eating. I really want to get back into eating healthier things. I think they taste really good. I have a very large passion for food. There’s just something about it that makes me love it. I love to cook, too.

Today our youth choir at church was singing in 1st service so I was doing that from 8:30 [I was late...] until 9:30 I guess. Then I went to help out in the kitchen because our youth group is doing a service project for a week in the summer instead of going to Mexico. There is just too much violence there for a big group like ours. I got to help with their pancake breakfast even though I’m not doing our missions trip this year [I'll explain why in a minute]. That was fantastic because it made me feel great to do work like that again. [I went to a camp last summer called Echo. In there one of my friends said that she enjoys work because she's doing something that someone else doesn't have to. I love her perspective.] I felt like I belonged.

I’m not going on this trip with my youth group this summer because I am going to Guatemala. It’s a two week long trip that starts off in Miami, FL. I’ve been wanting to go on this trip for a year now and I’m so happy I was accepted to go. I’m having a fundraiser for my trip tomorrow [Monday, 4/6/09] at Sweet Tomatoes [Bernal Rd. San Jose]. I’m thinking there will be a good turnout. But if not, there’s always amazingly delicious food. I love the food there. I’m a fanatic.

Tonight there’s a Watoto concert at the Sobrato Performing Arts Center. Watoto is a group of Ugandian [from central Africa] children. They are all orphans who have lost their parents mostly to AIDS. Even though they should be devistated, they all have this incredible energy and they are so good!!!

TTFN

Hello world!

kileyw — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 02:39:31 +0000

Well, I’ve decided to start a blog, obviously. I’ll start off by saying things about myself. I’ll make this first blog into a list of things I enjoy or don’t enjoy, etc. Here goes nothing:

I love the smell of sunshine just after the rain.
I love baking.
I think roses are a beautiful example of life.
I love discovering new music.
I love to write.
I prefer body spray to perfume.
I like decimals more than fractions.
I love being the only one in a class who knows the answers.
I love photograpy.
I like thriller movies.
I love meaningful lyrics.
I would rather be cold than hot.
I love snow and rain.
My favorite season is Autumn.
I love indie bands.
I love special editions of things.
I love dancing to crazy music.
The only bugs I really hate are cockroaches and ticks.
I never get scared by “scary” movies.
I love volleyball and badminton.
I love Milky Way Midnight bars.
I love “vibrant” foods.
I love getting mail.
I love 100% juice.
I love how my heart skips a beat everytime I think about certain things.
I love sitting down by a fire with coffee and just talking to people for hours.
I want to go to Italy more than anything.
I love everything Italian.
I love the smell of book stores.
I love San Fransisco.
I love museums.
I like to listen to the same song multiple times until I’ve memorized it.
I like taking long road trips with friends.
I don’t like my feet.
I love to pray in the shower.
I love coloring books.
“Clue” and “Life” are my favorite board games.
I love my life.
I think Nalgene bottles are fantastic.
I like to do laundry.
I love to write out all my prayers so I can reflect back on them.
I hate feeling like I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I love to read.
I like to do sit-ups.
I call cats “Maus”.
I prefer short mau fur to long.
I love light-up shoes.
I like band-aids.